1. LOST



Living to impress a vision, living for that narcissism
Living with the role I’m given guess it’s how they feel in prison look
& I ain’t never been angel I never made that claim
But I ain’t been the devil either I’m a prideful man

I set scenes not everyone will make the cut
Doubt myself enough sometimes I need someone to pick me up
Dust me down a bit, fit my crown I know it’s kinda slipped
Falling through my thirties here me screaming in this hellish pit

A last chance shot, fuck the past guess it’s done
Got me sweating in my sheets I think for hours bout my mum, (love)
I think about my little girl she’s only 1
I wonder if she even knows her Dad is lost and needing love (shit)

& If I’m honest with this promise had this music done
The finish line further guess I’m losing till the battles won
Screaming in my pillow till I’m blue in the face the truth be told I’m always true to my taste

I’m used to sour grapes thats why I’m always spitting this way
I’ve always written from my soul it’s why I’m quiet for the weeks and the days
They pass quick when you’ve got the time to sit and just think
& all the memories they sink into the wine that I drink (I’m saying)

This ain’t a love song, this ain’t a song about my past issues
One search you’ve got my name & all my misuse
Another lost soul, I’m pressured by society
But no ones ever lied to me as much as I have lied to me

My hearts getting colder, guess I’m jealous of success, my narcissism back again I’m wondering what’s next
I’m feeling lost, walking on the road to more recovery, I’m swiping right on tinder but nobodies ever loving me
Swimming into rip tides, contemplating suicide, living with my past decisions eyeing up my shirt tie

The funny thing I write better when I’m like this
Emotions hit me like the sun when the light hits,
I ain’t convinced I’m ever changing up
I ain’t convinced I’m ever moving on from all my past entanglements
The gig is up a couple memories I could live without
Wish I could be a kid again and live with self doubt

No way think again the ship will sink again;
I guess there’s nothing else to lose you learn to love the pain
I guess I’m used to taking all the abuse
We’ve made mistakes so take the time they don’t define how you move...

Jay Honest:

See when the sun rises by my side you ain’t around
And when I think of you I feel the fuse & hit the ground
And when the fight is done, Tell me what you will become
My Youngest daughter, Oldest son
Missing you my number ones

I Wanna see what you’ll become
Missing times with you were fun
I close my eyes & see your face
I can’t believe it’s 7 months

Dreaming of a better day
Dream don’t know her daddy’s pain
Been fighting for affection & acceptance since the first day

We got a system pinned against us at every turn
My lesson learned, Bridges burn
Tables turn, I hit a nerve

Feel the fuse, They would Use
My kids as form of Abuse
& Make em Choose, make em Lose
Daddy gone he’s feeling blue

Here without you
Knew I couldn't live without you
Every second thinking bout you
Really wanna be around you

I wanna say this as a dad n friend
I’ll really love you til the end
And I regret the things I never said

N I’m hurt
All the time
By this here
I just grind in this here
Don’t waste time in this here
I been up all night
Getting high to this here
Feeling blind in this here

Close my eyes & now I’m thinking bout the times that we missing they forever gone
Love you like I never lost
Y’all & I ain’t hit the walls
Living thru the withdrawals
Told you daddy’s missing y’all
Ain’t nobody care bout how u feeling in the end that’s all

For real

Know we only see each other thru a screen
& It pains me every time you asking me
Like daddy where you be
And when will I see you again
And when I see you next
Can you read me books in bed

I turn the screen away to shed a tear bout what you said
Ain’t let you see me cry until the day that I am dead
That’s a promise baby
See I been drifting with my eyes red
Stuck in bed
Back on meds
I feel depressed
I just wanna see my kids

Said I just wanna see em
Teach em something write a story
Or a book to read em
Maybe one where we get a try
For other fathers like I
Getting pushed towards his suicide
Contemplating everyday but dreaming of a better way
I’m positive inside but on the outs you see a darker side
My demons when they come alive
Missing them is kryptonite
Someone please give me a try
Since day 1 I been denied