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  1. If I Die Tonight

From the recording Beautiful Misery

Lyrics

In the past few years
Ive lost 3 of my grandparents
My best friend of 20 years
And I barely get to see my own son

304 days
Its how long its been since I seen yo face
Ugh

Im always asking myself why they take u away

And I can’t handle it
Im running thru the darkness see my kids they keep me candle lit

I feel like vanishing
Cold sweats
Sleep paralysis
Im like a mannequin

Man this shit damaging
Its crazy how the best of happiness can can turn to madness in this

World

ORIGINAL START:

If I die tonight
Would u grieve my life
Would u contemplate it
Or freak out at the sight

Like if u got the news
What would you do
Would u have regrets
Anything to lose

Said if I die tonight
And I ain’t seen my in 8 months
Would be there to explain exactly why it wasn’t right
Would u own up to your choices
And admit that u were wrong

Cause it’s wrong to break the bond between a father and a son
——
Us a bitch motherfucker I can’t take it

See suicide is crazy but u make me contemplate it

I was focused on my family
Like why the fuck u break it

Made me look like an enemy
So I turnt into satan

It’s crazy how this beauty can become this situation
Man I wake every morning and I dream to see they faces
Aint focused on the fathers governments they fucked hate us
Our fathers were the worst so the judges they ain’t with us

For real

Like yeah u hurting me
But u hurting them
N who gets hurt worse
It’s only them in the end

I miss my bestfriend
Will this nightmare end
Fuck I need my kids
Without em I’d be dead

(X2)

1:51
Without em I’d be dead
I’m all alone in bed
Would I be better off
Dead (x2)


Look I know it’s complicated
My thoughts r everchanging
Sometimes they get deranged
all I want from u is patience

A little understanding of my situation
Currently I’m doin this all on my own
Ain’t nobody come n save em

Psychologically ur hurting both brains
At the same time
Currently not seeing daddy n be prolly dont know why
But see he’s smart just like his daddy it’ll come in time
I’m feeling sorry for people who kept my son away from I

Wipe my eyes
When I wake
Every morning
Fuck sakes
Tired of crying
Everyday
Damn I hate this fucking pain

Damn u got yo daddy sister brother mother aunty too
Well I aint got a family ain’t an option when it comes to you

I been here the whole time
Jumping over land mines
Dodging all the pot holes
Walking on this thin line

I dun followed every fucking rule these people told me to
I still can’t seem to break All these barriers that keep me away from u